Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
