I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
