Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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