the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
