i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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