i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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