R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
