walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
