so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
