it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
