Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize