i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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