i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
