I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize