We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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