i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
