i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
