i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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