we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
