smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was confusing and full of hummus
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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