Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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