I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
