He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
