She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
