your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
