I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
