people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
