my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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