is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
