Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
