Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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