You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
