I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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