I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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