Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
