youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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