Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
