So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
