I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
