Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
