She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My feet surprised me
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