i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
