I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
