k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
