Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize