We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
