Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
