I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
