My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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