In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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