Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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