Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize