He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
