I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
