going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
