It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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