So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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