I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
