we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
