i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
