I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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