Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
