flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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