I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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