I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
porn star boner night. come get it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
