I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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