im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
