Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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