I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
