I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
