I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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