i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize