mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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