I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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