Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
