toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
