Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize