Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
