the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize