I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
