On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
