I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need to calm my uterus...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
