I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
