Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
