Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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