Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
its liver damage thursday
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
