Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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