Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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